top of page
  • Writer's pictureLilly Ismail

Reversing Self-Sabotage: Embracing Your Love Language

We often talk about how we express love to others, but what about the way we treat ourselves? Surprisingly, many of us engage in self-sabotage by doing the opposite of our primary love language in our personal lives.

The Love Languages

The concept of "love languages" comes from Dr. Gary Chapman's book. They are ways we express and experience love. Here are the five:

  1. Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation.

  2. Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.

  3. Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.

  4. Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.

  5. Physical Touch: It includes hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face.

The Destructive Behaviors

Sometimes, we might do the opposite of our love language to ourselves. This can be harmful and cause us to spiral. Here’s how:

  1. Words of Affirmation: Neglecting self-praise or engaging in negative self-talk.

  2. Acts of Service: Failing to take care of personal needs or health.

  3. Receiving Gifts: Not allowing oneself to receive gifts or rewards, or feeling unworthy of them.

  4. Quality Time: Not spending time on self-care or hobbies, or overworking.

  5. Physical Touch: Neglecting physical health, or not engaging in activities that involve touch, like massages or comfortable clothing.

Overcoming Destructive Behaviors

Here are ways to counter these negative tendencies:

  1. Words of Affirmation: Practice self-affirmation. Write down or say positive things about yourself.

  2. Acts of Service: Prioritize self-care. Set aside time for personal health and well-being.

  3. Receiving Gifts: Treat yourself occasionally. Understand that you deserve to receive as well.

  4. Quality Time: Make time for hobbies and relaxation. Avoid overworking.

  5. Physical Touch: Engage in activities that offer physical comfort, like yoga or getting a massage.

Understanding your love language and how you might be doing the opposite to yourself is important. By recognizing these behaviors, you can take steps to treat yourself with the same kindness and love you offer others. Remember, self-love is just as important as loving others.

7 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page